Building Kids’ Brains during Wait Times
(without electronic games!)
by Judy Arnall
Are you worried about your children’s bent necks and poor posture? Do their batteries run out at the wrong time? Concerned that your toddler might drop your iphone? You don’t have to rely on cell-phone applications, portable handheld gaming devices/media players and other electronic devices to occupy your kids during waiting times.
These constructive ideas will stimulate imagination, creativity, intellect, problem solving and social skills. Best of all, they don’t require cables or batteries, can be taken anywhere and will amuse toddlers to teens.
The lot of these items should fit in a small 9X12 inch container, such as a rectangular plastic box with a snap lid, a backpack or even a laptop side pocket or briefcase for ease of carrying to restaurants, doctors’ offices or airports.
The Busy Brain Kit for all Ages
1. Pipe-cleaners These versatile little wires can be molded into cars, people and many other items for make-believe play.
2. Playdough Keep moist in a plastic Ziploc bag. Kids can make 3D sculptures for toys. With a digital camera, teens can make animated figure movies. Pass the cheese, Gromit!
3. Masking tape or cellotape
4. Scissors
5. Small whiteboard and dry-erase markers, with a cloth for erasing. Endless opportunities to make signs, keep game scores, or play picture games.
6. Colouring markers My kids used to colour the doctor’s waiting room bed-covering paper!
7. Pens and Pencils Play hangman or other words games. Write in a journal or just draw!
8. Plain paper for drawing houses and scenes, or constructing cars, buildings, items and people, to be coloured, cut out and assembled with tape and scissors.
9. Deck of cards Great for teens to play Cheat, Snap, Spoons, Blackjack, Uno and many other games.
10. Dice for playing addition, multiplication, and chance challenges. Dice also work with homemade board games created from above items.
The play value in this box of items will last a long time, especially if you only keep it for on-the-go errands. In the rare event that your child might get bored, you could also bring a book, and read to your child. Encourage your school-ager or teen to bring along a book too.
Judy Arnall is a professional international award-winning Parenting and Teacher Conference Speaker, and Trainer, Mom of five children, and author of the best-selling book, Discipline Without Distress: 135 tools for raising caring, responsible children without time-out, spanking, punishment or bribery and the new DVD, Plugged-In Parenting: Connecting with the digital generation for health, safety and love as well as the new book, The Last Word on Parenting Advice www.professionalparenting.ca, jarnall@shaw.ca, 403-714-6766
Copyright permission to reproduce this article is granted if byline left in its entirety. www.professionalparenting.ca
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Discipline Without Distress: 135 tools for raising caring responsible children without time-out, spanking, punishment or bribery
Discipline Without Distress: 135 tools for raising caring, responsible children without time-out, spanking, punishment or bribery
Discipline that you and your child will feel good about!
Now an International Bestseller!
At last, a positive discipline book that is chock-full of practical tips, strategies, skills, and ideas for parents of babies through teenagers, and tells you EXACTLY what to do “in the moment” for every type of behavior, from whining to web surfing.
Parents and children today face very different challenges from those faced by the previous generation. Today’s children play not only in the sandbox down the street, but also in the World Wide Web, which is too big and complex for parents to control and supervise. As young as age four, your children can contact the world, and the world can contact them. A strong bond between you and your child is critical in order for your child to regard you as their trusted advisor. Traditional discipline methods, no longer work with today’s children and they destroy your ability to influence your increasingly vulnerable children who need you as their lifeline! You need new discipline tools!
Help your child gain:
• Strong communication skills for school, career, and relationship success.
• Healthy self-esteem, confidence, and greater emotional intelligence.
• Assertiveness, empathy, problem solving, and anger-management skills.
• A respectful, loving connection with you!
You will gain:
• An end to resentment, frustration, anger, tears, and defiance in your parent-child relationship.
• Tools to respectfully handle most modern challenging parenting situations, including biting, hitting, tantrums, bedtimes, picky eating, chores, homework, sibling wars, smoking, “attitude,” and video/computer games.
• Help for controlling your anger “in the moment” during those trying times.
• A loving, respectful, teaching and fun connection with your child!
“Offers a wealth of ideas and suggestions for raising children without the use of punishment of any kind.” Linda Adams, President and CEO of Gordon Training International
Available at:
Amazon.com
Amazon.ca
ChaptersIndigo
Professional Parenting
Barnes and Noble
Plugged-In Parenting: Connecting with the Digital Generation for
Plugged-In Parenting: Connecting with the Digital Generation for Health, Safety and Love
Are you too busy to read? This DVD is for you! PLUGGED-IN PARENTING offers two hours of tips, ideas and non-punitive strategies for parenting digital children from babies to teenagers, in every aspect of digital intelligence including cybersafety, netiquette, cyberbullying, social media guidelines, health promotion and even the academic benefits of computer and video-gaming. You will appreciate the valuable parenting demonstrations that show how to keep kids connected to you while you set healthy limits on video/computer games, social media and cellphones. This DVD is ideal for busy parents and caregivers who want accurate researched information but have little time to read books. Keep your digital children safe, healthy and happy, without losing your vital relationship connection!
Authored by Judy Arnall, the bestselling author of "Discipline Without Distress: 135 Tools for raising caring, responsible children without time-out, spanking, punishment or bribery."
Available at Chapters.Indigo
and Amazon.com and Amazon.ca
Amazon.com
Amazon.ca
Professional Parenting
Saturday, November 13, 2010
How to Take a Parent Time-Out with Small Children Underfoot
How to Take a Parent Time-Out with Small
Children Underfoot
One of the very best parenting tools is the Parent Time-Out. When parents are feeling
upset, angry, or frustrated over a parenting issue, or over their children’s behaviour, it
can help to diffuse the situation if the parent removes themselves to get calm and
centered, rather then force the isolation of their child into a Child Time-Out. After the
parent is calm, they are in a much better frame of mind to deal with the issue at hand
and they’ve avoided saying and doing things they might regret later. Sometimes, with
young children, this is easier said than done!
Many parents object to the parent time out because they complain that their toddlers and preschool children just follow them around the house, screaming, whining and crying.
How True!
Here are some tips to Mentally Time-Out when you can’t physically time yourself out:
Throw a CD on the stereo and dance hard!
Use an IPOD or MP3 player filled with your favorite songs to distract you.
Have earplugs everywhere. In the car, kitchen, purse, and bathroom. They take the edge off a child’s screaming that can damage your ears.
Lock yourself in the bathroom. Tell the children that you love them, and Mommy/Daddy is feeling angry, and needs to take a time-out for herself or himself. Turn on the fan or shower so you can’t hear the children, and breathe slowly. Visualize yourself in a calm place.
Do the Hokey-Pokey, and shake it out! Smile and make a funny noise and you will all be laughing.
Phone a friend to have a brief conversation. Tell her how you feel. Call from the closet or a bathroom if you have to.
Distract yourself with a magazine.
Drop everything, dress your children and yourself for the weather, and put them in the stroller. Go for a brief walk outside. Exercise, fresh air, peace and quiet! Children will be distracted by the sights and sounds and you can think out your anger in peace.
Put a children’s DVD or Mom’s movie on the player. It will either distract you or your child, and will give both of you time to calm down.
If you are in the car, pull over to a parking lot or some other safe place. Get out of the car, leave the children in there, and walk around the car 20 times. Cry, deep breathe, vent or stomp. Get back in the car when you have calmed down.
Imagine a soundproof, gentle, clear shell around yourself to protect you from screaming children.
Sit on the porch, find a closet, basement, or somewhere you can be alone. Make sure the children are in a safe place.
Tell your child that you both need a group hug. It can be very hard to hug someone that you feel angry with, but the touch is soothing and helps to heal the anger. It works well for some people.
Use “Self-Talk” Say over and over to yourself, “My child is not trying to bug me right now. She is only coping with her strong feelings in the only way she knows how. “But me first.”
Remember the phrase: “Get myself calm, Get my child calm, and then solve the problem.”
What skills do you use to calm down in situations other then parenting? Use some of those strategies if you can. Just as the oxygen masks in airplanes are meant to be used on adults first, so they can be in a position to help the children, you must take care of your needs first when you are angry. The bonus gift is that you are truly modeling for your child, how to take a calming time-out when situations become
overwhelming. Modeling by example, instead of forcing them in time-out, is the best way for children to learn self-calming tools.
FOR YOUR CHILDREN’S SAKE, TAKE A BREAK!
Judy Arnall is a professional international award-winning Parenting Speaker, and
Trainer, Mom of five children, and author of the best-selling, “Discipline Without
Distress: 135 tools for raising caring, responsible children without time-out,
spanking, punishment or bribery” and a new DVD called “Plugged-In Parenting:
Connecting with the Digital Generation for Health, Safety and Love.”
www.professionalparenting.ca (403) 714-6766 jarnall@shaw.ca
Copyright permission granted for “reproduction without permission” of this article in whole or part, if the above credit is included in its entirety
Children Underfoot
One of the very best parenting tools is the Parent Time-Out. When parents are feeling
upset, angry, or frustrated over a parenting issue, or over their children’s behaviour, it
can help to diffuse the situation if the parent removes themselves to get calm and
centered, rather then force the isolation of their child into a Child Time-Out. After the
parent is calm, they are in a much better frame of mind to deal with the issue at hand
and they’ve avoided saying and doing things they might regret later. Sometimes, with
young children, this is easier said than done!
Many parents object to the parent time out because they complain that their toddlers and preschool children just follow them around the house, screaming, whining and crying.
How True!
Here are some tips to Mentally Time-Out when you can’t physically time yourself out:
Throw a CD on the stereo and dance hard!
Use an IPOD or MP3 player filled with your favorite songs to distract you.
Have earplugs everywhere. In the car, kitchen, purse, and bathroom. They take the edge off a child’s screaming that can damage your ears.
Lock yourself in the bathroom. Tell the children that you love them, and Mommy/Daddy is feeling angry, and needs to take a time-out for herself or himself. Turn on the fan or shower so you can’t hear the children, and breathe slowly. Visualize yourself in a calm place.
Do the Hokey-Pokey, and shake it out! Smile and make a funny noise and you will all be laughing.
Phone a friend to have a brief conversation. Tell her how you feel. Call from the closet or a bathroom if you have to.
Distract yourself with a magazine.
Drop everything, dress your children and yourself for the weather, and put them in the stroller. Go for a brief walk outside. Exercise, fresh air, peace and quiet! Children will be distracted by the sights and sounds and you can think out your anger in peace.
Put a children’s DVD or Mom’s movie on the player. It will either distract you or your child, and will give both of you time to calm down.
If you are in the car, pull over to a parking lot or some other safe place. Get out of the car, leave the children in there, and walk around the car 20 times. Cry, deep breathe, vent or stomp. Get back in the car when you have calmed down.
Imagine a soundproof, gentle, clear shell around yourself to protect you from screaming children.
Sit on the porch, find a closet, basement, or somewhere you can be alone. Make sure the children are in a safe place.
Tell your child that you both need a group hug. It can be very hard to hug someone that you feel angry with, but the touch is soothing and helps to heal the anger. It works well for some people.
Use “Self-Talk” Say over and over to yourself, “My child is not trying to bug me right now. She is only coping with her strong feelings in the only way she knows how. “But me first.”
Remember the phrase: “Get myself calm, Get my child calm, and then solve the problem.”
What skills do you use to calm down in situations other then parenting? Use some of those strategies if you can. Just as the oxygen masks in airplanes are meant to be used on adults first, so they can be in a position to help the children, you must take care of your needs first when you are angry. The bonus gift is that you are truly modeling for your child, how to take a calming time-out when situations become
overwhelming. Modeling by example, instead of forcing them in time-out, is the best way for children to learn self-calming tools.
FOR YOUR CHILDREN’S SAKE, TAKE A BREAK!
Judy Arnall is a professional international award-winning Parenting Speaker, and
Trainer, Mom of five children, and author of the best-selling, “Discipline Without
Distress: 135 tools for raising caring, responsible children without time-out,
spanking, punishment or bribery” and a new DVD called “Plugged-In Parenting:
Connecting with the Digital Generation for Health, Safety and Love.”
www.professionalparenting.ca (403) 714-6766 jarnall@shaw.ca
Copyright permission granted for “reproduction without permission” of this article in whole or part, if the above credit is included in its entirety
Friday, October 8, 2010
Child Proofing for Older Children Cuts Down Battles
CHILDPROOFING –It’s not just for toddlers!
By Judy Arnall
Two-year-old Kelsey is reaching for the wine glass on the coffee table at a baby shower. Her mom is constantly on guard, trying to move the guests’ purses, glasses and food plates out of the way so Kelsey doesn’t grab them. Kelsey’s mom is using a discipline technique called childproofing.Although childproofing is the number one recommended discipline tools for parents of children ages crawling to four, it is also a very handy tool for parenting older children that are school-aged or teenagers. It’s the same technique, but called “Change the Environment” rather than childproofing. In fact, many arguments have been avoided by using the “changing the environment” tool for partners too! Here are some ways to change the environment to gain more co-operative behaviour from school-aged and teen children.
Add to the Environment
Enrich – make things more stimulating. Add toys, games, movies, food, and activities to occupy bored children. Children who are engaged in a fun activity have their needs met and are less likely to fight or engage in risky behavior if they are busy. Examples of this are: having games available for a long car ride; having lots of physical recess breaks(five a day) for school children; and having movies for teens to watch while parents are visiting.
Enlarge – add space. Take the children out to the park, zoo, ball field, movie, or playground. Make an enclosed backyard. Add space to a teen’s bedroom by moving out furniture. Arrange a dedicated play space in the house or certain rooms.
Subtract from the Environment
Reduce – take away stimulation and enticing situations. Reduce light and turn off the stimulating TV, computer games or ipod if you want them to relax and sleep at bedtime. Put away art materials and markers if the child doesn’t clean up the mess. Only bring them out when you have time to supervise a cleanup. Have a video game shut down at least an hour away from bedtime to allow your child time to unwind from the action. Put away anything you don’t want to capture their attention if you want to get them out of the house. Don’t bring up tense topics or deliver your “No” verdict on a request as you and the child are running out the door. Avoid starting a long movie when there is only a half hour until bedtime or the time to leave the house.
Restrict – put limits on activities or areas. Avoid ball throwing, and chase games in the house, but direct to the yard or basement. Allow eating only at the kitchen table to reduce food encrusted plates shoved under the family room sofa or piling up next to the computer. Have designated places for water gun fights, craft materials, drum and band practice etc. Also putting pets away in back rooms before playmates or younger guests come over prevents damage to pets from young children’s rough handling. Avoid competitive games such as computer and board games that can cause fights. Pack them away for a few years until children can developmentally handle losing better. Avoid play places if they get frustrated and hit other children. Avoid shopping if you know your child can’t understand why he can’t have treats from the checkout. Avoid busy places,amusement parks, and indoor arcade places if your child can’t handle the restrictions and your limits on money, tokens etc. Keep in mind that you are not avoiding these places and activities forever. Your child’s development changes monthly and their ability to handle limits and frustration will improve.
Change things around
Simplify – make it easier for the child to do things himself. Put buckets and totes at easy access for storage of toys. Hang coat hooks at child level. Have designated places for backpacks and charging ipods and cellphones, preferably by the door so that it’s easier for the child to remember them the next day. Put dishes and lunch fixings in easy to reach and access places. Remove most toys and pack away in buckets that you can pull out and rotate for renewed interest. Have step stools in the kitchen and bathroom handy for young school-aged children. Have a basket for mitts, hats, and socks for each child, again, preferably by the door to catch those pesky socks that children remove as soon as they come in the house. Clip hair or nails while they are playing in the bath or sleeping. Buy socks all one color. Color code children’s belongings. Have a central basket for only library books and insist that library books never get shelved or they get lost in the house books.
Rearrange – arrange things to encourage or discourage behavior. Have a system for daily tasks such as feeding pets, taking phone messages, emptying the dishwasher. Have a system for handling school paperwork and information flow such as school notices, and letters that go back and forth from school to home. Have designated water glasses for each child. Put door guards on doors to prevent slamming door gouges in the walls. Move gaming consoles or drum sets to the garage or far away rooms to cut down on noise. Provide head phones for blocking offensive computer game language that younger children may hear.
Other common problem areas that can addressed this way are:
Pet care, household chores, noise, toys/play areas, kitchen/food/playtimes, T.V/computer/video use, dirty clothes/laundry, homework, bathroom use, telephone,breaking/damaging, weekends, bedtime/getting up, privacy/property, sharing tools/equipment and many more areas of conflict.
A common question posed in classes is, “Why do I have to try so hard to change the environment when sometimes kids just have to listen to my authority?” Of course there are times that kids just have to do as you tell them. But it’s more likely to get a good cooperative response when parents are not constantly nagging about daily situations.
Anticipating problems and planning ahead to avoid them just makes good relationship
sense. Try and ponder how changing the environment could solve a behavior problem.
Remember that changing the environment is always easier than trying to change another
person.
Judy Arnall is a professional international award-winning Parenting Speaker, and
Trainer, Mom of five children, and author of the best-selling, “Discipline Without
Distress: 135 tools for raising caring, responsible children without time-out,
spanking, punishment or bribery” She specializes in “Parenting the Digital
Generation” www.professionalparenting.ca (403) 714-6766 jarnall@shaw.ca
Copyright permission granted for “reproduction without permission” of this article in whole or part,if the above credit is included in its entirety. Length may be edited for space
By Judy Arnall
Two-year-old Kelsey is reaching for the wine glass on the coffee table at a baby shower. Her mom is constantly on guard, trying to move the guests’ purses, glasses and food plates out of the way so Kelsey doesn’t grab them. Kelsey’s mom is using a discipline technique called childproofing.Although childproofing is the number one recommended discipline tools for parents of children ages crawling to four, it is also a very handy tool for parenting older children that are school-aged or teenagers. It’s the same technique, but called “Change the Environment” rather than childproofing. In fact, many arguments have been avoided by using the “changing the environment” tool for partners too! Here are some ways to change the environment to gain more co-operative behaviour from school-aged and teen children.
Add to the Environment
Enrich – make things more stimulating. Add toys, games, movies, food, and activities to occupy bored children. Children who are engaged in a fun activity have their needs met and are less likely to fight or engage in risky behavior if they are busy. Examples of this are: having games available for a long car ride; having lots of physical recess breaks(five a day) for school children; and having movies for teens to watch while parents are visiting.
Enlarge – add space. Take the children out to the park, zoo, ball field, movie, or playground. Make an enclosed backyard. Add space to a teen’s bedroom by moving out furniture. Arrange a dedicated play space in the house or certain rooms.
Subtract from the Environment
Reduce – take away stimulation and enticing situations. Reduce light and turn off the stimulating TV, computer games or ipod if you want them to relax and sleep at bedtime. Put away art materials and markers if the child doesn’t clean up the mess. Only bring them out when you have time to supervise a cleanup. Have a video game shut down at least an hour away from bedtime to allow your child time to unwind from the action. Put away anything you don’t want to capture their attention if you want to get them out of the house. Don’t bring up tense topics or deliver your “No” verdict on a request as you and the child are running out the door. Avoid starting a long movie when there is only a half hour until bedtime or the time to leave the house.
Restrict – put limits on activities or areas. Avoid ball throwing, and chase games in the house, but direct to the yard or basement. Allow eating only at the kitchen table to reduce food encrusted plates shoved under the family room sofa or piling up next to the computer. Have designated places for water gun fights, craft materials, drum and band practice etc. Also putting pets away in back rooms before playmates or younger guests come over prevents damage to pets from young children’s rough handling. Avoid competitive games such as computer and board games that can cause fights. Pack them away for a few years until children can developmentally handle losing better. Avoid play places if they get frustrated and hit other children. Avoid shopping if you know your child can’t understand why he can’t have treats from the checkout. Avoid busy places,amusement parks, and indoor arcade places if your child can’t handle the restrictions and your limits on money, tokens etc. Keep in mind that you are not avoiding these places and activities forever. Your child’s development changes monthly and their ability to handle limits and frustration will improve.
Change things around
Simplify – make it easier for the child to do things himself. Put buckets and totes at easy access for storage of toys. Hang coat hooks at child level. Have designated places for backpacks and charging ipods and cellphones, preferably by the door so that it’s easier for the child to remember them the next day. Put dishes and lunch fixings in easy to reach and access places. Remove most toys and pack away in buckets that you can pull out and rotate for renewed interest. Have step stools in the kitchen and bathroom handy for young school-aged children. Have a basket for mitts, hats, and socks for each child, again, preferably by the door to catch those pesky socks that children remove as soon as they come in the house. Clip hair or nails while they are playing in the bath or sleeping. Buy socks all one color. Color code children’s belongings. Have a central basket for only library books and insist that library books never get shelved or they get lost in the house books.
Rearrange – arrange things to encourage or discourage behavior. Have a system for daily tasks such as feeding pets, taking phone messages, emptying the dishwasher. Have a system for handling school paperwork and information flow such as school notices, and letters that go back and forth from school to home. Have designated water glasses for each child. Put door guards on doors to prevent slamming door gouges in the walls. Move gaming consoles or drum sets to the garage or far away rooms to cut down on noise. Provide head phones for blocking offensive computer game language that younger children may hear.
Other common problem areas that can addressed this way are:
Pet care, household chores, noise, toys/play areas, kitchen/food/playtimes, T.V/computer/video use, dirty clothes/laundry, homework, bathroom use, telephone,breaking/damaging, weekends, bedtime/getting up, privacy/property, sharing tools/equipment and many more areas of conflict.
A common question posed in classes is, “Why do I have to try so hard to change the environment when sometimes kids just have to listen to my authority?” Of course there are times that kids just have to do as you tell them. But it’s more likely to get a good cooperative response when parents are not constantly nagging about daily situations.
Anticipating problems and planning ahead to avoid them just makes good relationship
sense. Try and ponder how changing the environment could solve a behavior problem.
Remember that changing the environment is always easier than trying to change another
person.
Judy Arnall is a professional international award-winning Parenting Speaker, and
Trainer, Mom of five children, and author of the best-selling, “Discipline Without
Distress: 135 tools for raising caring, responsible children without time-out,
spanking, punishment or bribery” She specializes in “Parenting the Digital
Generation” www.professionalparenting.ca (403) 714-6766 jarnall@shaw.ca
Copyright permission granted for “reproduction without permission” of this article in whole or part,if the above credit is included in its entirety. Length may be edited for space
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Homeschooling - How to Get Children to Do Their Work
“Help! My Child won’t do Homeschooling work!”
Suggestion and Ideas for Getting More Co-operation and Less Power Struggles
• Give choices in subject matter, time, or place of study. E.g. Would the child like to do Math or English today? When is their best, most alert time of day? Would they like to study in their rooms, outside, or on the couch?
• Alternate bookwork days with outing days. Consider helping the child learn in a different way with an outing or field trip instead of researching books.
• Consider giving tests first and if the concepts are mastered, eliminate the text material. Cuts down on boredom and busywork.
• Present the material in a fun way and geared to child’s learning style. Use learning aids such as movies, cookie fractions, board and action games such as multiplication tag. Children in elementary school love to learn through play.
• Follow interests as much as possible, if not in format, then in content. For example, if the child has to write essay or book report, perhaps he could choose the topic or book.
• Use rewards if they work for your child. Stickers, Passes for fun outings and computer time are some choices from parents. Have a jar of 200 dimes (one for each school day). Any day the child doesn’t whine about doing schoolwork, put in one dime. The child can keep the money at the end of the year.
• Avoid power struggles. Put your relationship building first. Try and approach learning another way. Listen to why your child doesn’t want to do the work.
• For those hesitant writers, try being the scribe while the child dictates ideas. Or try letting them write on the computer, which is easier on little hands. Remember that in school, children are taught to read and write early because most curriculums is delivered that way for mass distribution. At home, you have the time and resources to deliver the knowledge in other formats, so you can wait until the child is developmentally ready to use their fine motor skills.
• For those hesitant readers, try picking up an enticing children’s book and reading out loud. Your child might come join you if it’s not forced. Model reading yourself. Cuddle on the couch with a child and make reading a fun, cozy, exciting time. Use vocal variety and stop when the child is not longer interested.
• Keep a routine going when you figure out the best time of day for bookwork. This has to work for you and your child. Not all children are “morning people”. Be kind but firm in sticking to a routine. Children need some structure.
• Have a written contract each week, month or year that is signed and agreed to by the parent and child, about what work must be completed for that time period.
• Work with the child that is most interested in the topic (such as History or Science). Other siblings will join willingly if they are interested. If they are not, wait awhile. If the topic is forced, the retention of knowledge will be minimal. They may be more interested in a few months or years. Children often learn better by discovery than by being told.
• Some months are better than others. Children go through spurts and plateaus and most do not learn in tidy sequential steps. During a plateau, trust that the desire and motivation will come back.
• Assimilation of material takes time. Plan for playtime, down time and many breaks (minutes, days, weeks and even months).
• Create a learning environment of fun, curiosity and good feelings. Make sure everyone is fed, rested, comfortable and non-stressed!
• Never punish for not doing the work. You want to create a climate for lifelong learning and enjoyment of the pursuit of knowledge. Remember, your job is to facilitate learning. Nudge, but don’t force!
Judy Arnall is a professional international award-winning Parenting Speaker, and Trainer, Mom of five children, and author of the best-selling, “Discipline Without Distress: 135 tools for raising caring, responsible children without time-out, spanking, punishment or bribery” She specializes in “Parenting the Digital Generation” www.professionalparenting.ca (403) 714-6766 jarnall@shaw.ca
Copyright permission granted for “reproduction without permission” of this article in whole or part, if the above credit is included in its entirety.
Suggestion and Ideas for Getting More Co-operation and Less Power Struggles
• Give choices in subject matter, time, or place of study. E.g. Would the child like to do Math or English today? When is their best, most alert time of day? Would they like to study in their rooms, outside, or on the couch?
• Alternate bookwork days with outing days. Consider helping the child learn in a different way with an outing or field trip instead of researching books.
• Consider giving tests first and if the concepts are mastered, eliminate the text material. Cuts down on boredom and busywork.
• Present the material in a fun way and geared to child’s learning style. Use learning aids such as movies, cookie fractions, board and action games such as multiplication tag. Children in elementary school love to learn through play.
• Follow interests as much as possible, if not in format, then in content. For example, if the child has to write essay or book report, perhaps he could choose the topic or book.
• Use rewards if they work for your child. Stickers, Passes for fun outings and computer time are some choices from parents. Have a jar of 200 dimes (one for each school day). Any day the child doesn’t whine about doing schoolwork, put in one dime. The child can keep the money at the end of the year.
• Avoid power struggles. Put your relationship building first. Try and approach learning another way. Listen to why your child doesn’t want to do the work.
• For those hesitant writers, try being the scribe while the child dictates ideas. Or try letting them write on the computer, which is easier on little hands. Remember that in school, children are taught to read and write early because most curriculums is delivered that way for mass distribution. At home, you have the time and resources to deliver the knowledge in other formats, so you can wait until the child is developmentally ready to use their fine motor skills.
• For those hesitant readers, try picking up an enticing children’s book and reading out loud. Your child might come join you if it’s not forced. Model reading yourself. Cuddle on the couch with a child and make reading a fun, cozy, exciting time. Use vocal variety and stop when the child is not longer interested.
• Keep a routine going when you figure out the best time of day for bookwork. This has to work for you and your child. Not all children are “morning people”. Be kind but firm in sticking to a routine. Children need some structure.
• Have a written contract each week, month or year that is signed and agreed to by the parent and child, about what work must be completed for that time period.
• Work with the child that is most interested in the topic (such as History or Science). Other siblings will join willingly if they are interested. If they are not, wait awhile. If the topic is forced, the retention of knowledge will be minimal. They may be more interested in a few months or years. Children often learn better by discovery than by being told.
• Some months are better than others. Children go through spurts and plateaus and most do not learn in tidy sequential steps. During a plateau, trust that the desire and motivation will come back.
• Assimilation of material takes time. Plan for playtime, down time and many breaks (minutes, days, weeks and even months).
• Create a learning environment of fun, curiosity and good feelings. Make sure everyone is fed, rested, comfortable and non-stressed!
• Never punish for not doing the work. You want to create a climate for lifelong learning and enjoyment of the pursuit of knowledge. Remember, your job is to facilitate learning. Nudge, but don’t force!
Judy Arnall is a professional international award-winning Parenting Speaker, and Trainer, Mom of five children, and author of the best-selling, “Discipline Without Distress: 135 tools for raising caring, responsible children without time-out, spanking, punishment or bribery” She specializes in “Parenting the Digital Generation” www.professionalparenting.ca (403) 714-6766 jarnall@shaw.ca
Copyright permission granted for “reproduction without permission” of this article in whole or part, if the above credit is included in its entirety.
How to Get Kids to Do Their Homework
“Help! My Child won’t do Their Homework!”
Suggestion and Ideas for Getting More Co-operation and Less Power Struggles
• Give choices in subject matter, time, or place of study. E.g. Would the child like to do Math or English today? When is their best, most alert time of day? Would they like to study in their rooms, outside, or on the couch?
• Alternate bookwork days with outing days. Consider helping the child learn in a different way with an outing or field trip instead of researching books.
• Consider giving tests first and if the concepts are mastered, eliminate the text material. Cuts down on boredom and busywork. If you know your child knows the material, talk to the teacher and request less homework.
• Present the material in a fun way and geared to child’s learning style. Use learning aids such as movies, cookie fractions, board and action games such as multiplication tag. Children in elementary school love to learn through play.
• Follow interests as much as possible, if not in format, then in content. For example, if the child has to write essay or book report, perhaps he could choose the topic or book.
• Use rewards if they work for your child. Stickers, passes for fun outings and computer time are some choices from parents. Have a jar of 200 dimes (one for each school day). Any day the child does homework, put in one dime. The child can keep the money at the end of the year.
• Avoid power struggles. Put your relationship building first. Try and approach learning another way. Listen to why your child doesn’t want to do the work.
• For those hesitant writers, try being the scribe while the child dictates ideas. Or try letting them write on the computer, which is easier on little hands.
•
• For those hesitant readers, try picking up an enticing children’s book and reading out loud. Your child might come join you if it’s not forced. Model reading yourself. Cuddle on the couch with a child and make reading a fun, cozy, exciting time. Use vocal variety and stop when the child is not longer interested.
• Keep a routine going when you figure out the best time of day for bookwork. This has to work for you and your child. Not all children are “right after school” people”. Be kind but firm in sticking to a routine. Children need some structure.
• Have a written contract each week, month or year that is signed and agreed to by the parent and child, about what work must be completed for that time period.
• Children often learn better by discovery than by being told. Lead them to an experiential activity that would reinforce concepts.
• Some months are better than others. Children go through spurts and plateaus and most do not learn in tidy sequential steps. During a plateau, trust that the desire and motivation will come back.
• Assimilation of material takes time. Plan for playtime, down time and many breaks (minutes, days, weeks and even months).
• Create a learning environment of fun, curiosity and good feelings. Make sure everyone is fed, rested, comfortable and non-stressed!
• Never punish for not doing the work. You want to create a climate for lifelong learning and enjoyment of the pursuit of knowledge. Remember, your job is to facilitate learning. Nudge, but don’t force!
Judy Arnall is a professional international award-winning Parenting Speaker, and Trainer, Mom of five children, and author of the best-selling, “Discipline Without Distress: 135 tools for raising caring, responsible children without time-out, spanking, punishment or bribery” She specializes in “Parenting the Digital Generation” www.professionalparenting.ca (403) 714-6766 jarnall@shaw.ca
Copyright permission granted for “reproduction without permission” of this article in whole or part, if the above credit is included in its entirety.
Suggestion and Ideas for Getting More Co-operation and Less Power Struggles
• Give choices in subject matter, time, or place of study. E.g. Would the child like to do Math or English today? When is their best, most alert time of day? Would they like to study in their rooms, outside, or on the couch?
• Alternate bookwork days with outing days. Consider helping the child learn in a different way with an outing or field trip instead of researching books.
• Consider giving tests first and if the concepts are mastered, eliminate the text material. Cuts down on boredom and busywork. If you know your child knows the material, talk to the teacher and request less homework.
• Present the material in a fun way and geared to child’s learning style. Use learning aids such as movies, cookie fractions, board and action games such as multiplication tag. Children in elementary school love to learn through play.
• Follow interests as much as possible, if not in format, then in content. For example, if the child has to write essay or book report, perhaps he could choose the topic or book.
• Use rewards if they work for your child. Stickers, passes for fun outings and computer time are some choices from parents. Have a jar of 200 dimes (one for each school day). Any day the child does homework, put in one dime. The child can keep the money at the end of the year.
• Avoid power struggles. Put your relationship building first. Try and approach learning another way. Listen to why your child doesn’t want to do the work.
• For those hesitant writers, try being the scribe while the child dictates ideas. Or try letting them write on the computer, which is easier on little hands.
•
• For those hesitant readers, try picking up an enticing children’s book and reading out loud. Your child might come join you if it’s not forced. Model reading yourself. Cuddle on the couch with a child and make reading a fun, cozy, exciting time. Use vocal variety and stop when the child is not longer interested.
• Keep a routine going when you figure out the best time of day for bookwork. This has to work for you and your child. Not all children are “right after school” people”. Be kind but firm in sticking to a routine. Children need some structure.
• Have a written contract each week, month or year that is signed and agreed to by the parent and child, about what work must be completed for that time period.
• Children often learn better by discovery than by being told. Lead them to an experiential activity that would reinforce concepts.
• Some months are better than others. Children go through spurts and plateaus and most do not learn in tidy sequential steps. During a plateau, trust that the desire and motivation will come back.
• Assimilation of material takes time. Plan for playtime, down time and many breaks (minutes, days, weeks and even months).
• Create a learning environment of fun, curiosity and good feelings. Make sure everyone is fed, rested, comfortable and non-stressed!
• Never punish for not doing the work. You want to create a climate for lifelong learning and enjoyment of the pursuit of knowledge. Remember, your job is to facilitate learning. Nudge, but don’t force!
Judy Arnall is a professional international award-winning Parenting Speaker, and Trainer, Mom of five children, and author of the best-selling, “Discipline Without Distress: 135 tools for raising caring, responsible children without time-out, spanking, punishment or bribery” She specializes in “Parenting the Digital Generation” www.professionalparenting.ca (403) 714-6766 jarnall@shaw.ca
Copyright permission granted for “reproduction without permission” of this article in whole or part, if the above credit is included in its entirety.
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