How far should one parent online? Catch today's post in the Globe and Mail with comments by Judy Arnall, Canada's leading "parenting the digital generation" speaker and expert:
http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/technology/personal-tech/parenting-in-public-stop-lecturing-on-my-wall-mom/article1442459/
Monday, January 25, 2010
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Children's Picky Finicky Eating - How to Get Your Child to Eat
PICKY EATING PROBLEMS
By Judy Arnall
Babies eat more food relative to weight in the first year, compared to any other year of their life. By age one, food consumption drastically reduces. Babies triple their birth weight in the first year, and toddlers only gain five pounds in the second year. If you can get one good meal into a toddler in a day, you are doing very well!
It helps to think about the division of responsibilities between parent and child as outlined by Ellen Satter. The feeding relationship helps to lesson the need to bargain, bribe, and punish a child to get them to eat. It allows for healthier eating habits and social eating relationships. According to an informal poll of my parenting groups, about 25 to 30 percent of parents feel their toddlers are picky eaters. Toddlers are definitely more interested in exploring than eating, so more food may be on them, the tray and the floor than in their tummies! That’s okay. It’s just a stage.
The Feeding Relationship
The parent’s job
What:
Parents control the money and shopping at this age and make most decisions of what to buy.
The parent controls what food is bought, stored, cooked, and served.
When:
The parent decides when snack and meal times will be.
Toddler’s tummies are about the size of a ping pong ball, and they need food and drink every two hours. Three meals: breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and three snacks: mid-morning, mid-afternoon, and bedtime per day is recommended. The parent keeps the food onthe table for 20 minutes and then puts the food away until the next scheduled meal or snack.
Where:
The parent decides where eating and drinking will take place. Eating at the table should be encouraged to minimize the risk of choking while running, walking,or climbing. It’s also a good habit to get into, as non-aware eating can lead to weight issues. When children eat while watching movies, playing video games, or computers, they are not consciously enjoying the food or even paying attention to what they are eating. Although, I have noticed you can easily slip a plate of raw vegetables and dip under their noses while they are playing video games and the whole plate is gone in minutes. I don’t even think they notice what they just ate!
If:
The child decides if he will eat, according to his internal hunger cues rather than the clock or schedule. A meal is only a small part of the day’s food intake – only 1/6. If your child chooses not to eat, don’t worry. He will make up for it at some time later in the day, next day, or in a few days.
How much:
The child decides what quantity will satisfy his hunger. This also helps him decide his internal cues.
More Eating Tips:
By Judy Arnall
Babies eat more food relative to weight in the first year, compared to any other year of their life. By age one, food consumption drastically reduces. Babies triple their birth weight in the first year, and toddlers only gain five pounds in the second year. If you can get one good meal into a toddler in a day, you are doing very well!
It helps to think about the division of responsibilities between parent and child as outlined by Ellen Satter. The feeding relationship helps to lesson the need to bargain, bribe, and punish a child to get them to eat. It allows for healthier eating habits and social eating relationships. According to an informal poll of my parenting groups, about 25 to 30 percent of parents feel their toddlers are picky eaters. Toddlers are definitely more interested in exploring than eating, so more food may be on them, the tray and the floor than in their tummies! That’s okay. It’s just a stage.
The Feeding Relationship
The parent’s job
What:
Parents control the money and shopping at this age and make most decisions of what to buy.
The parent controls what food is bought, stored, cooked, and served.
When:
The parent decides when snack and meal times will be.
Toddler’s tummies are about the size of a ping pong ball, and they need food and drink every two hours. Three meals: breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and three snacks: mid-morning, mid-afternoon, and bedtime per day is recommended. The parent keeps the food onthe table for 20 minutes and then puts the food away until the next scheduled meal or snack.
Where:
The parent decides where eating and drinking will take place. Eating at the table should be encouraged to minimize the risk of choking while running, walking,or climbing. It’s also a good habit to get into, as non-aware eating can lead to weight issues. When children eat while watching movies, playing video games, or computers, they are not consciously enjoying the food or even paying attention to what they are eating. Although, I have noticed you can easily slip a plate of raw vegetables and dip under their noses while they are playing video games and the whole plate is gone in minutes. I don’t even think they notice what they just ate!
The child’s job
If:
The child decides if he will eat, according to his internal hunger cues rather than the clock or schedule. A meal is only a small part of the day’s food intake – only 1/6. If your child chooses not to eat, don’t worry. He will make up for it at some time later in the day, next day, or in a few days.
How much:
The child decides what quantity will satisfy his hunger. This also helps him decide his internal cues.
More Eating Tips:
Food jags are normal, where the child eats nothing but peanut butter and jam sandwiches for three weeks or a longer period of time. That’s okay. As long as it’s a healthy food, don’t worry about their nutritional intake. Most parents who worried about nutrition, found that their toddlers did eat a variety of foods when they kept a log of their food intake over a week or two week period.
It takes 15 tries to accept a new food. Have a one bite routine – try one bite (the no-thank-you bite) and see if your child likes it. If they don’t, let them spit it out. Don’t turn the one bite routine into a power struggle. Young children have very sensitive taste buds and they definitely will change overtime.
Toddlers usually don’t eat much at dinner. They are tired and cranky at the end of the day. Track their lunch and breakfast intake.
Toddlers usually prefer finger type foods.
Cut a bathmat in half and use it on the highchair seat so they don’t slide out.
To save time, don’t use dishes. Put the food right on the tray. Then the plate won’t be thrown.
Give baby a spoon for each hand and then you can feed him with a separate spoon. It keeps his hands busy.
Give a butter spreader to help preschoolers cut food.
Let a toddler practice drinking from a sippy cup in the bathtub.
Fill toddler glasses only one third full, and make sure all dishes are plastic.
Cool hot food by dumping in an ice cube.
Be aware of micro-waving mugs with the attached plastic straws on the outside.
The liquid in the straw heats first and can cause burns because the toddler drinks it first.
Clean highchairs and strollers in the shower. Run water and let the encrusted food soften. Works as well outside in the summer with the hose.
Dumping, mushing, and throwing food are exploratory behaviors. A little food exploration is part of development. When the food deliberately hits the walls, or the food exploration is testing your patience on a stressful day, it’s a signal that mealtime is over. Remove your child from the eating place.
If the toddler doesn’t sit still at mealtime, schedule a burn up activity right before mealtime, and they will have used up some energy. Before a restaurant visit, go to a playground. In fact, this works well for any event that requires a certain amount of sit still time: weddings, church, movies, concerts. Be thankful for 10 – 15 minutes, as this is all you might get!
Let them feed themselves with non-messy foods like peas and bread pieces while you can still feed the messy stuff with the spoon.
Try serving finger foods with dip or sauce. All children love sauces to swirl.
Serve mini portions of old favorites: pancakes, muffins, meatballs.
Let them pour their own juice using the dishwasher door as a counter surface.
Then you can just close the door after they spill and the mess goes into the dishwasher.
Serve a tray of carrot sticks, broccoli florets, red pepper, and salad dressing as you are getting dinner ready. Guaranteed it will be gone!
You can pretend to sprinkle sugar over the cereal and nobody will notice the difference. Just wave your spoon over and your toddler will think you put sugar and salt on their food.
Young children tend to like their food separated. Avoid casseroles if possible.
Serve dessert along with the meal. Don’t elevate the status of dessert as more desirable by declaring it the prize for eating the lesser-valued dinner items.
Purée vegetables to hide in soups and sauces.
Make sure dessert is healthy. Fruit, yogurt, ice-cream and oatmeal cookies are all very healthy choices and part of a balanced diet.
Avoid classifying food into “good” and “bad” categories. Use “more nutritious” and “less nutritious” so you get your child into the habit of making better food choice decisions.
Avoid punishing or rewarding a child with food items.
Treats are occasional foods. They wouldn’t be called treats if they were served every day.
Designate a treat day.
Avoid bargaining using food. Parents who say, “Eat four more bites of your hamburger and then you can have your toy,” are setting themselves up for power struggles. Children learn very quickly that parents want them to eat, and by refusing, they can get attention and control. Give children attention for positive behavior and control in the form of choices. Don’t make eating a power struggle.
For fun, serve food on doll or play dishes.
Preserve the social function of food. A comforting, social, happy atmosphere at meal and snack time and a wide variety of healthy foods is all that’s needed for childhood nutrition.
Judy Arnall is a professional international award-winning Parenting Speaker, and Trainer, Mom of five children, and author of the best-selling, “Discipline Without Distress: 135 tools for raising caring, responsible children without time-out, spanking, punishment or bribery
“ She specializes in “Parenting the Digital Generation” and picky eating habits http://www.professionalparenting.ca/ (403) 714-6766 jarnall@shaw.ca
Copyright permission granted for “reproduction without permission” of this article in whole or part, if the above credit is included in its entirety.
How to Get Your Child off Computer/Video Games
Top Ten Tips to Limit Your Child’s Screen Time without Scream Time!
By Judy Arnall
Eight year old Kyle received no less than nine new computer and video games for the holidays and his parents are wondering how to keep him under the health professionals’ recommended screen time limit of one and a half hours a day without Kyle throwing a fit.
It can be difficult to impose rules on time spent in front of the TV, video machine, DVD and handheld players, but it’s not impossible. Here are the top ten ways to help your child manage screen time and not destroy your valuable parenting relationship.
- Redirect to other stimulation. Have board games set up, sports equipment ready to go, or recipe ingredients laid out ready for a baking session.
- Be involved and knowledgeable of where they travel on the Internet and whom they play games with. Spend time building the parent-child relationship by taking an interest in their on-line gaming and chatting pursuits. It’s easier to direct them to your activities after you connect for a while in their playground.
- Don’t punish – problem solve! It’s not a battle of you against them. It’s you and your child against the problem. You are both on the same team! Work the problem out together to everyone’s satisfaction and enjoy the new rules and increased connection.
- Model a balanced life that includes seven keys to health and happiness. Invite your child toparticipate with you in your pursuit of the seven keys of a balanced life. Many children willget active if the parents or the whole family is involved:
- 7 Keys to a Balanced Life
Social time - time spent with friends
Physical activity time - exercise, sports, active play
Mental exercise time - educational activities, games, puzzles, homework, reading
Spiritual time – volunteering, meditating, solitude, unstructured play, church
Family time – doing projects
Financial time – job
Hobby Time – leisure pursuits and projects - Negotiate! Make good use of Family Conferences, "parent concern" Consulting, and negotiation sessions to discuss time limits that meet everyone’s needs.
- Issue time tokens. Each hour of physical activity will garner a child an hour of screen time.
- Get it in writing. Draw up a daily schedule and discuss where screen time fits in with the day’s already scheduled activities. Children can sign into time slots.
- Contract. Draw up a weekly or monthly agreement that has limits decided by both the parent and child together. Display in a prominent place. Point to it when the complaining occurs. Discuss when the contract is up for renewal.
- Change the environment. Sometimes, it’s easier to move around the setting than to change the other person. Seriously consider whether adding more equipment and hardware will add to the screen time and decide to not bring it into the house. Move the computer and gaming systems into the main family area. Having one unit for the children to share means more fighting over screen time, but can also mean more time spent in learning the valuable skill of negotiating and less individual screen time.
- (Bonus!) Teach your child the fine art of Haggling! "Hey, Eric, Wow, you made another level! Good for you! Now, I need you to do the dishes. What time would you like to get at them?" Insist they give you a time and haggle when they give you an outrageous one. Choice from your child makes it easier for them to abide by it.
Remember that you have the most power to negotiate rules and limits before the power button goes on! Go for it!
Judy Arnall is a professional international award-winning Parenting Speaker, and Trainer, Mom of five children, and author of the best-selling, "Discipline Without Distress: 135 tools for raising caring, responsible children without time-out, spanking, punishment or bribery" She specializes in "Parenting the Digital Generation" and is available for keynotes or breakouts on many net generation topics http://www.professionalparenting.ca/ (403) 714-6766 jarnall@shaw.ca
Copyright permission granted for "reproduction without permission" of this article in whole or part, if the above credit is included in its entirety.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Personal Video from Santa
Give your child the gift of Christmas with a personal video from Santa.
http://santa.sympatico.ca/
http://santa.sympatico.ca/
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Children Fighting? Sibling Rivalry Remedies
SIBLING RIVALRY REMEDIES
“Your kids fight?” people ask incredulously, when I am presenting a parenting workshop. “Of course!” I answer. “Every person in a love relationship fights.” I prefer to say that every relationship has conflict. It’s normal and inevitable to disagree. However, the determining factor in the quality of the relationship is how the fights get resolved. Conflict happens between spouses, partners, relatives, friends, neighbours, co-workers, group members, governments, countries and everyone else. Why would the sibling relationship be different? You know it’s going to happen. But like many things in parenting, it’s better to know what you are dealing with and have some planned strategies to try.
First, know that there are basically 4 types of sibling conflicts. Each conflict type is driven by an underlying feeling, because most all relationship fights are generally about feelings, and not so much about the presenting issues. So the best way to deal with sibling fights is to deal head on with the feelings, rather than the issue. Here are the reasons kids fight, and what the child’s underlying feelings are:
BOREDOM
The underlying feeling is, you guessed it! Boredom! What better way for your child to have some fun, than to bug someone who he knows is going to give him a great reaction?
Unhelpful parent strategy: Ignoring the fight. Punishing the child.
Helpful parent strategy: Give your child a new, interesting activity that is work, fun or something to do with you or someone else. Casually separating the children also helps, but don’t make it an enforced time out.
PARENTAL ATTENTION
Your child is feeling left out, unloved, or un-noticed. Your child is silently screaming: “Notice me, whether negatively or positively, just notice me!”
Unhelpful parent strategy: Giving negative attention in the form of a punishment, time-out, or time spent playing judge and jury.
Helpful parent strategy: Avoid punishments. Ignore the fighting, but give more individual time and attention later when the fighting has subsided. Schedule a date night or time alone with just that child. Acknowledge pleasant sibling interactions when they occur.
ISSUES
Your child is feeling victimized, angry, frustration, or injustice.
Unhelpful parent strategy: Playing judge by directing who the perpetrator and victim was, and how restitution should be made, according to how you see things. Taking away fought over toys or privileges. Punishing both children regardless of the issue.
Helpful parent strategy: Avoid punishments. Accept and acknowledge each child’s feelings and point of view and try to help them express it to the other child. Help them come to solutions, that both children will agree to. Help them generate the ideas, rather than you do it for them. In addition, give each child input in family rule formation. Teach problem solving skills and then coach them through the process. Teach anger management strategies and self-calming techniques later when everyone has calmed down and the issues are resolved.
ACCUMULATED UNDERGROUND RESENTMENTS
Your child may be feeling accumulated hatred and resentments toward their sibling, and may also be feeling jealousy, unworthiness, unloved, victimized, unvalued, or discarded.
Unhelpful parenting strategies: Group punishments, taking away toys or privileges, comparisons, and labelling. Being a judge without hearing or seeing the whole story.
Helpful parent strategies: Notice generous, loving, caring, behaviour and point it out to the children in specific language. Avoid labels and comparisons. Love each child best. Encourage accomplishments and efforts of each child. Avoid punishments of any kind to anybody. Accept and acknowledge all feelings of each child, even if you don’t agree with them. Give a lot of individual attention and time to each child.
How you deal with sibling rivalry determines how the children treat each other. If you punish them, they will punish each other. If your approach is to work on “solving the problem in a mutually respectful way”, they will also take the same approach. And remember, you do not have to maintain equality at all times. Just commit yourself to giving only what each child needs. One child will bound to get more, because they need more, but the important point is that each child feels secure knowing that when he needs something, it will be given to him.
In “Between Parent and Child”, Dr. Haim Ginott states: “We do not love all our children the same way, and there is no need to pretend that we do. We love each child uniquely, and we do not have to labour so hard to cover it up. The more vigilant we are to prevent apparent discrimination, the more alert each child becomes, in detecting instances of seeming inequality. Unwillingly, we find ourselves defensive against the child’s universal battle cry, ‘no fair!’”
Celebrate your children’s fights! What a great opportunity to teach relationship skills and conflict resolution skills that they are bound to need later in life.
Judy Arnall is a professional international award-winning Parenting Speaker, and Trainer, Mom of five children, and author of the best-selling, “Discipline Without Distress: 135 tools for raising caring, responsible children without time-out, spanking, punishment or bribery” She specializes in “Parenting the Digital Generation” www.professionalparenting.ca (403) 714-6766 jarnall@shaw.ca
Copyright permission granted for “reproduction without permission” of this article in whole or part, if the above credit is included in its entirety.
“Your kids fight?” people ask incredulously, when I am presenting a parenting workshop. “Of course!” I answer. “Every person in a love relationship fights.” I prefer to say that every relationship has conflict. It’s normal and inevitable to disagree. However, the determining factor in the quality of the relationship is how the fights get resolved. Conflict happens between spouses, partners, relatives, friends, neighbours, co-workers, group members, governments, countries and everyone else. Why would the sibling relationship be different? You know it’s going to happen. But like many things in parenting, it’s better to know what you are dealing with and have some planned strategies to try.
First, know that there are basically 4 types of sibling conflicts. Each conflict type is driven by an underlying feeling, because most all relationship fights are generally about feelings, and not so much about the presenting issues. So the best way to deal with sibling fights is to deal head on with the feelings, rather than the issue. Here are the reasons kids fight, and what the child’s underlying feelings are:
BOREDOM
The underlying feeling is, you guessed it! Boredom! What better way for your child to have some fun, than to bug someone who he knows is going to give him a great reaction?
Unhelpful parent strategy: Ignoring the fight. Punishing the child.
Helpful parent strategy: Give your child a new, interesting activity that is work, fun or something to do with you or someone else. Casually separating the children also helps, but don’t make it an enforced time out.
PARENTAL ATTENTION
Your child is feeling left out, unloved, or un-noticed. Your child is silently screaming: “Notice me, whether negatively or positively, just notice me!”
Unhelpful parent strategy: Giving negative attention in the form of a punishment, time-out, or time spent playing judge and jury.
Helpful parent strategy: Avoid punishments. Ignore the fighting, but give more individual time and attention later when the fighting has subsided. Schedule a date night or time alone with just that child. Acknowledge pleasant sibling interactions when they occur.
ISSUES
Your child is feeling victimized, angry, frustration, or injustice.
Unhelpful parent strategy: Playing judge by directing who the perpetrator and victim was, and how restitution should be made, according to how you see things. Taking away fought over toys or privileges. Punishing both children regardless of the issue.
Helpful parent strategy: Avoid punishments. Accept and acknowledge each child’s feelings and point of view and try to help them express it to the other child. Help them come to solutions, that both children will agree to. Help them generate the ideas, rather than you do it for them. In addition, give each child input in family rule formation. Teach problem solving skills and then coach them through the process. Teach anger management strategies and self-calming techniques later when everyone has calmed down and the issues are resolved.
ACCUMULATED UNDERGROUND RESENTMENTS
Your child may be feeling accumulated hatred and resentments toward their sibling, and may also be feeling jealousy, unworthiness, unloved, victimized, unvalued, or discarded.
Unhelpful parenting strategies: Group punishments, taking away toys or privileges, comparisons, and labelling. Being a judge without hearing or seeing the whole story.
Helpful parent strategies: Notice generous, loving, caring, behaviour and point it out to the children in specific language. Avoid labels and comparisons. Love each child best. Encourage accomplishments and efforts of each child. Avoid punishments of any kind to anybody. Accept and acknowledge all feelings of each child, even if you don’t agree with them. Give a lot of individual attention and time to each child.
How you deal with sibling rivalry determines how the children treat each other. If you punish them, they will punish each other. If your approach is to work on “solving the problem in a mutually respectful way”, they will also take the same approach. And remember, you do not have to maintain equality at all times. Just commit yourself to giving only what each child needs. One child will bound to get more, because they need more, but the important point is that each child feels secure knowing that when he needs something, it will be given to him.
In “Between Parent and Child”, Dr. Haim Ginott states: “We do not love all our children the same way, and there is no need to pretend that we do. We love each child uniquely, and we do not have to labour so hard to cover it up. The more vigilant we are to prevent apparent discrimination, the more alert each child becomes, in detecting instances of seeming inequality. Unwillingly, we find ourselves defensive against the child’s universal battle cry, ‘no fair!’”
Celebrate your children’s fights! What a great opportunity to teach relationship skills and conflict resolution skills that they are bound to need later in life.
Judy Arnall is a professional international award-winning Parenting Speaker, and Trainer, Mom of five children, and author of the best-selling, “Discipline Without Distress: 135 tools for raising caring, responsible children without time-out, spanking, punishment or bribery” She specializes in “Parenting the Digital Generation” www.professionalparenting.ca (403) 714-6766 jarnall@shaw.ca
Copyright permission granted for “reproduction without permission” of this article in whole or part, if the above credit is included in its entirety.
Friday, December 11, 2009
Separation Anxiety: The $120.00 Swim Lesson
This was the summer my son was going to learn how to swim! He was seven and old enough to agree to the lessons when I asked him in March. I signed him up and paid the $120.00 Come July, he was feeling more anxious about it and resisted going the first day. Once again, I'm faced with the age-old parenting question: "Should I make him go, or let him stay home?"
As a parent, we want to provide our children with a taste of the many wonderful experiences that life can offer. We flip through pages of booklets of the many offerings of classes, daycamps, preschools and envision our child loving the sports, art, music, science lessons, camps and activities. We take time to sign him up, write checks, arrange transportation, and prepare him for the first day. The first day arrives and he doesn't want to go. What to do now? Should we drag him to the activity kicking and screaming, or give in and let him miss?
It depends on your child and your goals for the activity. Does your child usually complain until he gets there and then loves it? Or does your child complain loudly the whole time he is there and all the way home? Did you sign up your child to acquire skills, socialize a bit more, or for a little down time for you?
I would suggest the "Nudge, but don't Force" approach. Encourage him to go the first day and try it out. One day. This is giving the child informed consent. He needs to experience what he is going to make a decision about and if he goes the first day and hates it, then let him drop the activity. Most venues will give you the majority of your fees back, if you drop it immediately after the first day. If he loves it, then he will be glad you nudged him. Like getting kids to try new foods, one bite is enough to know if it will work for them or not at that time. If you can't get a refund, don't worry about wasting the money. It's better to build trust with your child in that he will try new things if you don't force him to attend the whole way through in the name of "committing to the agenda." Many adults get second chances and can drop out of things they don't like. As children get older, you can teach the importance of commitment with chores, friends and homework, rather than with activities. If you force them to attend the activity the whole course, you risk teaching them to hate the very activity you were hoping they would love. If it's skills, socialization or time to yourself that is the goal, is there another way to achieve it? Is it the right time to work on that now?
If you have a quiet, shy or anxious child, promise to stay with him and leave in baby steps as per his comfort level. Again, building trust is important. Ignore complaints from staff that will recite their "No Parents Allowed" policy. You know your child best and need to act in his best interests. Research supports a gradual leaving of your child and building trust in your relationship that you will fulfill your promises of staying until he no longer needs you. Child program professionals should understand that the importance of your child's comfort level and it should supercede any perceived concerns that " it will show favouritism to one child" if their parents are allowed to stay. If the venue or staff will not let you stay, consider a more parent-friendly program or venue and also consider if your child is really ready. Sometimes a few months or weeks of further emotional or social development is all your child needs to push his independence further.
In the end, my son didn't go back after the first day of swimming lessons. However, he trusts that if he tries something new, he has the power to trust his instincts about whether the choice is right for him or not and have those instincts respected by his parents. That is worth more than $120.00
Judy Arnall is an international award-winning parenting speaker and author of the bestselling, "Discipline Without Distress: 135 tools for raising caring, responsible children without time-out, spanking, punishment or bribery." www.professionalparenting.ca
As a parent, we want to provide our children with a taste of the many wonderful experiences that life can offer. We flip through pages of booklets of the many offerings of classes, daycamps, preschools and envision our child loving the sports, art, music, science lessons, camps and activities. We take time to sign him up, write checks, arrange transportation, and prepare him for the first day. The first day arrives and he doesn't want to go. What to do now? Should we drag him to the activity kicking and screaming, or give in and let him miss?
It depends on your child and your goals for the activity. Does your child usually complain until he gets there and then loves it? Or does your child complain loudly the whole time he is there and all the way home? Did you sign up your child to acquire skills, socialize a bit more, or for a little down time for you?
I would suggest the "Nudge, but don't Force" approach. Encourage him to go the first day and try it out. One day. This is giving the child informed consent. He needs to experience what he is going to make a decision about and if he goes the first day and hates it, then let him drop the activity. Most venues will give you the majority of your fees back, if you drop it immediately after the first day. If he loves it, then he will be glad you nudged him. Like getting kids to try new foods, one bite is enough to know if it will work for them or not at that time. If you can't get a refund, don't worry about wasting the money. It's better to build trust with your child in that he will try new things if you don't force him to attend the whole way through in the name of "committing to the agenda." Many adults get second chances and can drop out of things they don't like. As children get older, you can teach the importance of commitment with chores, friends and homework, rather than with activities. If you force them to attend the activity the whole course, you risk teaching them to hate the very activity you were hoping they would love. If it's skills, socialization or time to yourself that is the goal, is there another way to achieve it? Is it the right time to work on that now?
If you have a quiet, shy or anxious child, promise to stay with him and leave in baby steps as per his comfort level. Again, building trust is important. Ignore complaints from staff that will recite their "No Parents Allowed" policy. You know your child best and need to act in his best interests. Research supports a gradual leaving of your child and building trust in your relationship that you will fulfill your promises of staying until he no longer needs you. Child program professionals should understand that the importance of your child's comfort level and it should supercede any perceived concerns that " it will show favouritism to one child" if their parents are allowed to stay. If the venue or staff will not let you stay, consider a more parent-friendly program or venue and also consider if your child is really ready. Sometimes a few months or weeks of further emotional or social development is all your child needs to push his independence further.
In the end, my son didn't go back after the first day of swimming lessons. However, he trusts that if he tries something new, he has the power to trust his instincts about whether the choice is right for him or not and have those instincts respected by his parents. That is worth more than $120.00
Judy Arnall is an international award-winning parenting speaker and author of the bestselling, "Discipline Without Distress: 135 tools for raising caring, responsible children without time-out, spanking, punishment or bribery." www.professionalparenting.ca
Storybook Theatre, "The Other Side of the Pole"
Family friendly entertainment at its best. Storybook Theatre's classic, "The Other Side of the Pole" is now playing. Great for children ages six and up.
http://www.storybooktheatre.org/
http://www.storybooktheatre.org/
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